Reader's Digest of Funny Kid Quotes

Here is a progression of Kid Quotes of the Day from Facebook posts over the last couple of months.

29-May - [After hearing me get very annoyed that the car wash was not working after I'd bought a wash] Daddy, sometimes car washes don't work. Because people use them. And then they run out. Maybe we can go buy some more and fix the car wash.

12-Jun
Anya: Can I give Laika a treat?
Dad: Sure! But you need to tell Laika to do something before you give her a treat.
Anya: Why?
Dad: Because, the whole reason we give dogs treats is to teach them how to behave, how to be good dogs.
Anya: I get Jelly Beans when I go potty.

24-Jun - I'm chewing on a jelly bean AND a teething ring. Is that the right idea?

14-Jul - (This one left me a bit dumbfounded) Swiper-Fox is going to come and swipe my legs and eat them like a sandwich. Haraump! haraump! (those are munching sounds by the way)

23-Jul - (After I get home from work I like to sit Anya down and ask her questions about her day)
Dad: Anya, what made you smile today?
Anya: You daddy!

31-Jul - Anya: Laika (the dog) always plays duck-duck-goose with me. I do duck on her head and she roars.
(Incidentally, Laika has never so much as growled let alone roared at Anya)

2-Aug - (Anya and Dad at Safeway)
Anya: I want a gumball. (Incidentally, to my knowledge she has NEVER had a gumball)
Dad: We don't have any change.
Anya: [pointing at a stranger] That man would give me change!

10-Aug - (after getting a time out for hitting mom when mom tried to stop her from messing with poor Laika-dog)
Mom: Why did you hit mom?
Anya: Ummm because I was coloring Laika (with markers) and then I suddenly moved my arm very fast.

11-Aug - (Anya being caught sneaking out of her room after bed time)
Dad: Hey, what are you doing?
Anya: I'm going to sleep in YOUR bed
Dad: Uh, well, I want to sleep in my bed.
Anya: You're not sleeping in your bed. I'll sleep in your bed. You go sleep on the couch.
(Incidentally, I don't think I've every slept on the couch)

19-Aug - Anya has started reading. She just sounded out (with a fair amount of help) "Anya Lodwig" Then literally ran off saying. "Did you see my hair!? It was so blonde!" Giving me one of those my-kid-is brilliant-my-kid-is-going-to-be-a-cheerleader moments.

22-Aug - (I asked Anya to leave alone a bunch of dusty blackberries at the dog park):
"I feel like I have to touch them" she also pointed out that, "They look like they want to be eaten"

24-Aug - One time ago, I broke my mosquito bite.

27-Aug - (Anya loves to watch Rikki-Tikki-Tavi on my iPhone. This conversation took place maybe an hour or so after watching Riki-tikki-tavi but otherwise apropos of nothing)
Anya: Cobras don't talk over here!
Dad: Over where honey?
Anya: In the world! That's just silly, Daddy.


28-Aug - I'm not a toddler, I'm a human!

28-Aug - (Watching Dora the Explorer after her nap)
Dora: Are you going to help the baby?!
Anya: [To Dora] I'M NOT ON TV!

4-Sep - This morning for breakfast the kid took Jungle Book out of the cd player and put in Modest Mouse. :-) when "Bukowski" came on she excused herself saying, "I've got to dance". Her Bukowski dance involved a lot of falling over, which is probably her first accurate interpretive dance.