Equilibrium

The child development books talk about something called equilibrium/disequilibrium. Essentially, children are always in a state of either equilibrium or disequilibrium and switch states every six months or so. In disequilibrium, children are in a cycle quick growth and development, of learning new skills. They can be difficult to deal with, disagreeable, and as a parent you quickly amass the grey hairs. I swear that Anya was in this state for her entire third year. I have a few grey hairs now to prove it. 

They are said to be in equilibrium when they are consolidating learned skills; are in a developmental plateau. This means they are generally easier to deal with and you feel like you are no longer doomed to failure as a parent. If only the grey hair would turn back to brown. 

For the past month or so, it seems like Anya has entered into a state of equilibrium. She's been easy to get along with, helpful, almost no tantrums, and just plain fun to hang out with. It's almost like I'm hanging out with a friend - just a rather immature and demanding one. She's been getting great reports from the teachers at school, as well as from grandparents. 

Interesting to note, about the same time she switched equilibrium cycles, she made a few big changes. Suddenly, Elephant™ is no longer required to be by her side at all times. She hasn't even brought him to school in a few weeks; instead, various other stuffed animals or toys (with no real attachment on her part) have accompanied her. And I don't believe she brought him on her last overnight at Grandma and Grandpa Lodwig's. She still cuddles him for comfort and likes to sleep with him, but there isn't the same level of attachment. This is a big deal.  Elephant™ was the only toy/lovey that mattered since she was gifted him at 7 months of age. 

Another big change that came about a few weeks ago was in clothing. Since a bit before her third birthday, Anya decided that the only acceptable outfit was a dress and tights (or dress only if it was hot outside). No leggings, no shorts underneath. Dress or dress/tights. Period. For awhile there, the dress had to be long (at least below the knee) or it wasn't acceptable, and there were other requirements above and beyond length that I never quite figured out. So her wardrobe consisted of 3 dresses (with tights!) and life was not good if everything was in the wash at once. That suddenly changed with a delivery of hand-me-downs. She initially wasn't interested in them (no dresses), but I casually mentioned that I didn't think she was quite old enough to wear the pants and shirts since she was still only into dresses. Within minutes, she tried on a shirt/pants combo and I'd say that's her preference now. Reverse psychology for the win. She still sometimes wears dresses, but seems to just put on whatever she's in the mood for in the morning; 8 out of 10 times now, it's leggings and a shirt. 10 times out of 10, there's no drama. 

Anya has also decided she no longer wants ponytails. So we finally went short with her haircut the other week. It's a cute bob and I should take a picture. It makes me happy since it's now easy to comb and less inclined to resemble a rat's nest. 

Oh, and we also started a reward chart. Anya does chores, as well as things we'd like her to work on like brushing her teeth without complaint. For each thing, she gets a star. At the end of the week, 15 stars gets an extra (30 min) TV show, 25 stars gets a movie night, and 35 stars gets a "sneak out", where on a weekend morning, she gets a parent up and "sneaks" out of the house with them to get donuts or some other little treat. This is her friend Eva's set of rewards and what she wanted to do as well. So far, she's been VERY motivated (mainly for the sneak out) and has been a cleaning, teeth-brushing, table-setting, helping rock star. As a bonus, it's reinforcing counting and days of the week. Win-win. 

So, I like this equilibrium thing (if that's indeed the explanation here). I wish she could stay this way. But in six months or so, she'll supposedly become her evil twin again. So I'm going to cherish it.